Yep

Yep, still pissed - hurt, bleeding, and pissed. Quit raggin' on me about my BASIC PERSONALITY!

I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy... but maybe people just suck

Warning - if you were looking for the holiday spirit, you better go read my sister Sue's blog post, which is awesome. Very much in the holiday spirit, the true meaning of Christmas. I, on the other hand, have probably done nearly everything you are NOT supposed to do on her holiday do's and dont's list: overspent on Christmas presents, yelled at someone in customer service (I am ashamed, truly... I told the poor guy on the phone at amazon.com to "shut up" when he was trying to talk to me like I was a two-year-old, sheez, but I probably deserved it), and generally not made a very big effort to help my family focus on Christ this year. What happened? I don't know.

Let me steal from a post I started and never finished, entitled, "There Are Aliens in My Brain... or maybe I just have Woman Brain." Huh?! It meant that my brain was overactive, alive with a thousand possibilties. Sometimes, I just take on a lot of stuff, like I can think of 20 things to do, for every minute where I can only do one. It's multi-tasking on speed. It's nuts, but I've lived the alternative, vegetating with no purpose, just passing time, trying to foreget my resposibilities and whatever constructive thing I could be doing with my life, just because I can't deal with some big issue, or there are things I am avoiding. I mean just sitting on the couch, reading novels for days on end, barely cooking mac and cheese for the family and the kids have been wearing the same clothes for two or three days straight. I can't go back to that depressed, useless state, I just can't. And I know this over-scheduling isn't all that great either, but I can't go back to who I was five months ago. It's like Matt 12:43-45 -
43 When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none.
44 Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he is come, he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished.
45 Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first. Even so shall it be also unto this wicked generation.

I swept out and cleaned my house, so to speak, and filled it up with a monkey-load of new tenants, so the old garbage couldn't come back. But boy, howdy, did I fill it up with new tenants, and while they don't create the nasty environment the old tenants did, it's just that I have trouble managing the new tenants. But I'm glad to have a noisy, boisterous house full of new guests. At least they don't make me wish I was dead, and beg God to replace me.

But I had a bit of that old feeling return last night, when I'm trying to get everything ready to get out of town, pay the bills, get the laundry clean, etc., and I'm getting reamed out by several of my family members, because I'm taking too long. "When are we leaving?!!!!" It's a version of ,"Are we there yet?" I've delegated as much as I can, and I'm glad they were all willing to help, so don't yell at me that I didn't delegate, because I did. And also don't yell at me because I chose too much to do. I had my activities pared down to the BARE minimums - clothing, food for the baby, pay the essential bills, and pack my laptop (don't give me any crap, that task only took me five minutes, anyway!) It's just that NO ONE in my house has a brain for the details. Seriously! I could remember that baby needs formula, or that the dvd player needs the ac cord, or that the bills should be paid so that there aren't horrendous late fees and dings on our credit report, it's always something, so why do they allow themselves to get so stressed out, when it's like this every time? They don't want to take care of the details, they couldn't possibly remember them, because their brains just aren't wired for the details, and I gave away as many tasks as I could think of. Okay, seriously, Zen wants me to make a WRITTEN checklist of things that need to go into the church bag every Sunday so we can get out the door faster. It's a good idea, I know, but it tells you how little the male brain is wired for the details. Every Sunday I don't check, something essential gets left behind (no baby bottle, no spit rag, etc.), so it's a thousand little experiences like that over the last 15 years, that have led me to try to track it all myself, because I know they just can't do it. So, anyway, I get reamed out last night, and I'm just standing there, in an almost-catatonic state, so overcome with hurt, because I've been trying like crazy ALL DAY LONG to get everything done for everyone (do they not know I take care of so much for THEM?!!!), and yes I delegated a lot, so don't yell at me (Sue) that I don't delegate enough. And all of a sudden it just seemed so useless and pointless, and I just wanted to curl up in a ball and lie there for five days. I almost didn't go, I just wanted to be alone for five days and not try to be with people. But I dragged out the last shred of giving that I had left in me, and packed my own bag, and got myself in the car. I've come out of it a little, and have tried to function today, but I am still bleeding and wish that I could just be alone for a few days.

Sorry I came back to blogging with something not-very-positive, but I write more when I have issues to discuss. Whatever, I'm out. But if you need a giggle or two, like I did tonight, go read these two blog posts from a guy named Dug, which I found linked from Sue's blog, Bad Boo and Open Mic Day, which is a blogging classic.

I Can't Take It Anymore!

You have no idea how many times I have had the thought cross my mind during my busy, busy days, "I have to blog about this!", and I've missed writing a lot of cute little family stories, little memories that I'm sure won't come back to me. I swear my brain is swiss cheese. Where have I been? What have I been doing? I've been working furiously on my eBay store. No, there are practically no rewards to show for it yet, but they're coming, they're coming. It's why I've practically dropped off the face of the earth. Maybe my rocks and sand have gotten mixed up. You know, that cute little visual aid at church somebody pops out with every now and then: You can fit more in a jar if you put the big rocks in first, then pour the sand around it, than if you put the sand in first and try to fit the big rocks on top. It's supposed to be symbolic of getting your priorities straight. "Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives..." Oh, wait, that's a soap opera! Never mind! I haven't been that much of a heathen since I was at college. Anyway, a lot of the things I enjoy, and probably should be doing, like reading and commenting on the family blogs, and writing my own posts, have gone by the wayside lately, and I just can't stand it anymore!

I was sitting tonight watching the church's Christmas broadcast, with all my heathens around me acting like a bunch of monkeys (aren't we glad we could watch it on tv, and not try to keep everyone reverent at the stake center?). After the prayer, some remarks, and a song or two, Zen wants to tell everyone the poem he learned as a kid, and was reminded of on the wall of the port-a-potty at Man Camp. I'll spare you the crudity here, but Zen said it was poetry, and I said, "Sheer poetry!" (Go watch Christmas Story.) Gil was hacking his lungs out, and begging to go take a Mucinex. Zen said, "Okay, but you can't have TWO Spongebob [disposable] cups!" This makes everyone laugh, including me (I'm trying to be reverent and listen, you heathens!!) Not a few minutes later, Gil is wrestling with Connor on the floor, and while Connor is punching his back, Gil says, "Work on my glutes a little!" Zen tries to round them up, and five minutes later he and Gil are play-punching each other on the couch. Gil figures out how to make Baby Emma giggle, and Dani has to get in on the action, and invents her own peekaboo game to make Emma laugh some more. There was a talk where the speaker (Elder Eyring?) talked about someone visiting a poor family, and there was a little boy who just wanted a big bowl of oatmeal for Christmas because he was so hungry all the time. Zen turned to Gil and Dani and said, "Why can't you just want a bowl of oatmeal for Christmas?" Hmmm... Maybe they'll all get packets of instant oatmeal in their stockings. I can just see it now. It'll be this "thing" we do every Christmas, in lieu of coal... By this time, Connor has snuck off to play with his trains, and I try to sing the hymns at the top of my lungs to drown everyone else out (Sue, aren't you glad you weren't here?!) Oh, brother! But you know what? I loved it. I thought, "Here I am, surrounded by all my heathens who are making me laugh, instead of having a marvelously glorious spiritual experience. But they are MY heathens, and I'll take them as they are." It may have not been very spiritual (although I did have tears in my eyes from the family antics), but I felt a great deal of love for my family, and gratitude for the goodness of our lives.

I'll leave it at that, but pics are coming, the pics are coming, I promise!

I Nearly Fell Out of My Chair - 50 Gold Stars for Zen!

Zen gave me the BEST present EVER for my birthday this year!!!!!! Check out these cards, but I think you know which one I liked best:

Yep, that's funny!



Is that not the funniest Halloween joke ever?!! Love these guys!!
That's some CRUSTY chili-cheese-trucker-butt!

Oh, my unholy monkeys!! That is the funniest thing ever!!! I just about fell out of my chair.

The laughter went on, and on, and on...

Why I'm So Uncultured

I woke Connor up this morning, the slug-a-bed monkey, and as he's scratching his rear end, he says, "My butt's all cracky." Oh. My. Word. I'm surrounded by heathens! It's no wonder I have no aspirations to the country club.

Mini Yearbook - Girls' Getaway Weekend

Happy Circles patterned paper
8x8 album pages
Botanico Blue Oak patterned paper
8x8 album pages

Here are a few sample ideas using Chatterbox patterned paper and Bazzill cardstock. I can order wholesale from Chatterbox and Bazzill Basics, but these wholesalers often have long delivery times, so I'm not sure what we can get at this point. Another option is just for everyone to bring their white cardstock and a pen, and we'll just pass around paper to write cute notes on. Regardless, nobody has to haul their scrapbooking gear, just bring a pen.

Ooooh! I just had another great idea! Everyone bring 2" pics of yourself, all identical, and we'll exchange them. I can diecut little tag books, where each fat tag (maybe 4"x7") has a little frame at the top (1-3/4" opening), and we can sign the "tags", then tie the tag book together with a ribbon. Quick, easy, but totally cute, si? Here are a few sample pics:

I could also include an extra tag for each pic, so there would be two "autograph" tag pages for each picture. Fall colors could be tied with raffia, neutral tones with silver ribbon, or bright colors with white or black ribbon. But everyone get back to me quick, so I can order paper in the next few days!!!!

Multiplying like Tribbles

Do you keep lists? I do, and my "To Do" list feels like it's totally out of control. Here is an impromptu list of things I want to get done, from the mundane to the important, in no particular order:
1. Fix Zen's Palm Pilot, so it will play MP3's
2. Organize all my scrapbooking supplies into sale items for eBay
3. Photograph said scrapbooking items
4. Package and calculate the shipping for said scrapbooking items
5. Write the auction descriptions for said items
6. Organize garage for garage sale on Oct. 4th
7. Order Gil and Connor's new bunk bed
8. Clean kitchen floor
9. Clean bathrooms
10. Vacuum stairs & tv room
11. Clean off computer shelf & take items to my craftroom
12. More, and more, and more, and more ...

I'm So Close!!!

No, I haven't broken the 200 pound barrier, but I am so close. I weighed myself at the rec center yesterday, and I was only 208 pounds!!! I am so psyched. I haven't weighed this little since before I started having kids, and that was 14 years ago! Instead of gaining weight after having a kid, I have managed to lose weight this time. Yes!!!! I wear a size 18 now, and I am just about out of the "fat girls" clothing department. I can't wait until I'm a 16, and I am so positive I can do it before Christmas. I'm hoping Santa brings me a new wardrobe makeover!!!

What has made the difference? I think I have finally conquered my food issues, in the sense that I just don't pig out anymore. I don't use food to manage my emotional issues, from simple things like boredom to more intense emotions like high stress. When it comes to feeding myself, I rarely have more than one serving, and I try to serve myself on a salad-sized plate, instead of a dinner plate. I really think that over time, I've managed to shrink my stomach. You may not notice my new eating skills at family events, because I still have a weakness for celebrating with food, but my day-to-day eating habits have really altered for the better. And seriously, I enjoy exercising. It's not that every second is a joy, quite the opposite in fact. I have to push myself very hard, but it's the emotional high I get from rockin' my workout, and striving for my personal best that keeps me doing it.

Who Says Boys Don't Like Babies?

Gil is so cute with Emma. He loves her so much! Although, being a dork with her seems to be his form of affection, but that's okay, I still know he loves her.

The Beast Within

This was me, minus the nasty slobber.

Are my meds really necessary? This is a question I have secretly asked myself the last couple months, because I have felt great since I left the doctor's office two months ago, before I even took the first pill. You know, was it a placebo effect? Just knowing that I was on medication made it all better? I think I got my question answered this last Tuesday. I ran out of pills a little over a week ago, and couldn't get anymore because Zen has switched jobs (I should blog that, shouldn't I?), and we don't get the new health insurance benefits until Oct 1st. I went in to fill my prescription, and without pharmacy benefits, it would cost me $144.00! No way! I'll go without my medicine, I concluded. Well, I couldn't see any difference until last Tuesday, when the Crazy Beast showed up in my head, and I felt like ripping everyone a new one, you know what I mean? The little stuff, which I handle pretty fabulously these days, just totally bugged the crud out of me, for no good reason, and I felt like I had to try ten times as hard not to be a beast. I just had to vent with my sister Sue, who suggested that I get some free samples from my doctor. Eureka! That's what I did, and the man graciously gave me a month's supply, even though I only needed a week to tide me over. Hallelujah!!!!

I Got Butchered!!!

Cute hairdo, yes? This is the exact picture I gave the hairstylist today.

What the #@*$#&# blankety-blank holy monkeys happened here?!!! And don't tell me I just need to style it better. You should have seen that poor hairstylist trying to do something with this mess at the hair salon. You could just tell she knew she goofed. She kept messing with it, and messing with it, and finally gave up. I couldn't look at her when I lied and said it was okay. There wasn't anything she could do to fix it. Only time will grow it out. I haven't had this bad a haircut since, well, this--

Sorry, Mom, but it was a doozy!

Personal Space

It's nuts trying to get four people to share a computer. I have to beat people off with a stick, usually, to get any computer time. I've been fantasizing for months about having my own computer, but figured it was a long way off. Wouldn't it be lovely to go away somewhere out of the household traffic and work by myself? But then my Mom found out about this guy who was selling used laptops left over from this class he taught to business people. It was only $200, so I told Mom to snatch one up for me. I have my own computer now!!!! I'm in the process of getting wireless internet, so I can blog from any point in the house. Heaven!! I might get more blogging done now, or maybe I'll just wind up doing more puzzles. But that's another story.

The ironic thing is, now I have to beat people off with a stick from my laptop. Aarghhh!!! I've stemmed that tide a little by password protecting my laptop. Now at least they have to ask before they intrude. Vultures! Connor hasn't displayed much interest in the computer before now, but all of a sudden, he finds the laptop appealing. I don't know why, but he makes the fourth varmint I have to pick off with a shotgun to keep from pestering me at the laptop. So much for personal space.

"Rollin', Rollin', Rollin', Keep Them Babies Rollin'--"

It was a complete fluke, but Emma rolled over a week ago. I've been trying to give her tummy time, so she'll gain more skills, and I set her on the floor one day. After a little struggling, she rolled over from her front to her back! I was so excited, "Baby, you did it!!!" I tried over and over to get her to do it again, but sadly, it was not repeated. We'll just keep on trying.

11 Sep

Tummy time is often frustrating at this stage. "Carpet tastes awful!"

"But I taste good!"

Don't Feed the Animals (ummm... Potty Mosters)

My dear, dear potty-training son has decided that he likes using the potty now, and we are officially in pull-ups. However, I think he enjoys the process because it means he gets to feed toilet paper to the Potty Monster. He has been known to flush wad after wad of toilet paper down the toilet, just for fun, or perhaps he is just trying to feed the potty monster gods, so he won't accidently get flushed down the toilet. After all, he likes to point out where the water comes in, and the poop and pee go out. Water is his favorite thing, don't you know, and to him, it's critical to understand where it's all coming from, and going to. It's a water flow thing. I'm sure all that useless toilet-paper-flushing is bad for the environment, but I guess feeding the potty gods is just part of the process of toilet training.

We've had him in pull-ups for a few weeks now, and it all came about because he would occasionally go potty voluntarily, I think especially because there are two other little boys in my daycare going through the potty training thing. I just decided one day that he's old enough to have a clue, and that maybe going cold turkey was the way to go. So, I warned him for a few days that when the diapers were gone, he was going to have to wear pull-ups. I'd been offering the option of diapers, pull-ups, or underwear for weeks, to no avail. So, when the last diaper from the the last pack was gone, he had no choice but to wear pull-ups. Thankfully, he didn't put up much of a resistance. Except for the time we were in Wal-Mart last week and I was buying diapers for Emma, and Connor tried repeatedly to put a pack of diapers in the cart for himself. I kept putting them back, saying that he doesn't wear diapers anymore because he is a big boy. I thought we were about to come to blows over the whole issue. But after a lot of pouting from Connor and stubbornness from me, I prevailed, and the big boy diapers stayed on the shelf. Whew!

Going On a Walkabout

I felt a little cooped up on a Sunday evening a week ago, and decided to go on a neighborhood walk. Connor, Emma, and I were the only ones who wanted to go, so I put baby in her new stroller, and off we went.

5 Sep - our first outing in the new stroller, when I took Dani's lunch to her at school.

7 Sep - Just at the back edge of our circle is a huge, undeveloped area, bigger than a field. Here you can see the other side of it. Connor and I wandered around, looking at the landscape. I took pictures of Wyoming weeds and Connor threw rocks and clumps of dirt.





Weeds, yes, but pretty.



Connor, my little rock-throwing, mud-clump-exploding, monkey.

All that bouncing around the dirt and weeds put Emma to sleep.

"No, I'm not going home!" Run away! Run away!

All Hail the Binky!

Well, four kids later, and we finally have a kid who likes the binky. And you know what, it's pretty fabulous, because when she's ready to sleep, I just wrap her in her blankie, stick a binky in her mouth, and after a few minutes of snuggling, she's asleep. All hail the binky!

I just stuck a binky in her mouth, and she fell asleep on the floor. It doesn't always work like this, but it's pretty close.

Why Do I Love Dorky Pictures?

We've been trying for weeks to capture Emma's smile, which appears all the time now. We've managed a few shots, but most of the rest have been on the dorky side of things. No class of people have more unusual expressions than babies. So get your popcorn, settle in to your computer chair, and pretend to enjoy my slide show of Emma.

Aug 6 - Early pics in the baby tub, a gadget we've since dispensed with. These days I just put a few inches in the big tub, and away we go. Hhmmm, I feel another photo shoot coming on...

Aug 7 - Dani blowing in Emma's face. It's like the kitty-lick-lick-trick (our old childhood cat, GirlKitty, would lick the air whenever we would scratch the base of her tail.)

Aug 9 - Babies can sleep in any position.

Aug 9 - I think Dani figured that she could "encourage" Emma to smile by taking care of it for her.

Aug 9 - Here's the real deal.

Aug 12 - My sweet girl. Sleeping babies always feel like such an accomplishment.

Aug 15 - My wonderful, weird, motley crew.

Aug 15 - "Big Brother, what the garbage is this music?!"

Aug 20 - If Sedona looks like an orca, Emma unmistakably looks like an adorable bullfrog. See?
http://www.pbase.com/image/82070791

Aug 20 -
1. "Waiter, another bottle, please."
2. "And my point, gentemen, is..."
3. "Mom, there's a fly on the ceiling."
4. "Engage!" It's a Trekkie thing, not that I'm a Trekkie.
5. "Mom, we really need to discuss my older siblings..."
6. "A bath, you say? Now, wait just a second!"
7. "Look, missie, if you don't get that camera out of my face..."
8. "Just between you and me -
9. "Mom, you really need to trim your nose hairs, 'cuz I see them, like, ALL the time!"
10. Insert your own comment.

Aug 22 - "Ahoy, mateys!" "Aaarghh!" "Walk the plank!"

I'm a bullfrog, really.

Aug 23 - "Mom, a little less togetherness, please?"

Aug 27 - Dani had a blast taking pictures of Emma with this cute pink scarf.

Aug 27 - "Oh, my heck, did you see the size of that - ?!!!" or "Oh, my gosh, that was the loudest burp/fart in history! My eyes nearly popped out!"

Aug 28 - "Hey, I lost my binkie" or "You guys suck! I hate pictures! Leave me alone!"

And that concludes our Baby Picture Dork Fest for the day. Be sure to see our Labor Day post below. Thanks for coming, and have a nice day.