I'm Too Fat To Exercise!

I think my blogging brain is having a creative burst, after a long, dragging winter hiatus, because this is the fourth post in the past few days.

Okay, the exercise thing has not been entirely abandoned, but it's definitely suffering through a lack-of-enthusiasm phase. I was pretty good a few months ago. September, October, November, December were solid: exercise everyday except Sunday, with rare exception. But January became four to five days, and February became three to four days, and one week was only twice. This Tuesday night, I went to the rec center to work out on the elliptical for the first time in a month (my daycare schedule usually only permits early-morning exercise at home, which is what I do), and I discovered that I can't use the elliptical anymore! My legs bent up just far enough, that I kept whacking my pregnant belly. Poor baby got jiggled a lot that night! I quit after fifteen minutes, and thought, "Well, that's the end of that until the baby is born!" At the rec center, that pretty much just leaves me with using the walking track, and swimming if I have the time. But thank goodness for my Gazelle striding machine at home. I get a little bend in my knees, but not much, so at least I can still do that.

So many mornings now, I just don't want to get out of bed at 5:20am, and I say, "Well, I'll just go to the walking track at the rec center later tonight." And that only works out half the time. Hence, the backsliding in the excercising department. But I still really want to exercise, even though I'm not particularly prepping myself for a long labor anymore. I'm trying to keep it up for health reasons, and I figure if I can keep the discipline up, I'm hoping I can get back into the weight-loss thing not too long after the baby is born. I really, really want to break 200 pounds, and even more, I don't want to shop in the fat girls plus-size department any more. All the cute (and cheap) clothes are in the 14/16-size-and-under section. Oh, no, was that me being girly?! Is Dani rubbing off on me? I'm cheap when it comes to clothes (I'd only spend $30 an outfit if I could, why spend $150 for one or two, when you can get double or triple that with a little less pickiness?), so while there are certainly some attractive plus-size clothes, they cost way too much in my opinion ($80 to $120 an outfit at Lane Bryant, are you serious?!), and even then, most plus-size clothes, regardless of where you shop, are made for women with BIG chests. I have more of a pear, perpetually-five-months-pregnant shape. If I'm going to avoid the whole cheap mu-mu thing when I'm older, I'd better get on this whole healthy lifestyle kick.

Besides, I want to be around a lot longer, so I can enjoy my grandchildren (not too soon, Dani & Gil!! Give it at least ten years!) I was watching this Discovery program last weekend, and they were looking at MRIs of an obese woman, and it wasn't the fat under the skin that was the problem, it was all the fat surrounding her internal organs that was the big health risk. After losing only fifteen pounds by excercising regularly, there was a really noticable reduction in this internal fat, it looked like about 25% to me. Pretty good food for thought... there's a pun somewhere in that, I'm sure.

Declutter Now! - or - Just Say No To Clutter!

I had another one of those nights last night, where I wake up a lot, my brain firing out all sorts of irrelevant thoughts. Yes, it's Gassy Brain Syndrome. At 2:15 am, I woke up from a dream about decluttering my house, only in my dream, I'm a teenager again and we are making another international move. I'm thinking, "This stuff has got to go! If I haven't used it in two years, it's outta here!" I tried to go back to sleep, and I must have, because I woke up again at 4am, with a continuation of the decluttering dream, where my parents are going through their old records in preparation to get rid of them. I protested, saying, "But I can sell those on eBay for a lot of money!" Knowing my propensity for collecting projects I don't finish, they told me, "NO!" and I said, "But just give me one day, ONE day, that's all I ask for!" And then I woke up. This is all very humorous to me, makes me giggle. Mom has made several phone calls to me about this and that of Gram's things she and her sisters are going through, seeing if it interests me, so I think the sorting-stuff topic came out in my dreams last night. We all must declutter, so our poor children don't have to mess with our junk when we pass away! Not that Gram's things were junk, I'm just saying, you know?

Can I just insert here that if I express interest in something of Gram's, it doesn't mean I'm gearing up for a family feud about it. I realize the sisters have first priority, and that there are objects that just about everyone would like, but only one person can have at one time. In the end, I think I'd be happy with a little digital photo book of Gram's treasures, and what their stories are. Sounds like a great project... I'd be willing to undertake the organization of it, but I don't know how practical that is, considering the fact that I don't live where any of the treasures are! Anyway, if someone can think of something constructive for me to do along those lines, I'm open to suggestions.

It Better Be a Girl

Two posts today, so scroll down after this one. I was checking out Chris' blog today, and it reminded me of my own baby dates. I'm having another ultrasound next Monday (six days away), and we're supposed to find out if it's a boy or girl! Thinking about that reminded me of the time Dani dressed up Connor like a ballerina.

This sort of thing might happen more frequently if it's not a girl. Dani might take matters into her own hands, and dress the poor boy in pink if he's not a girl. So in conclusion - if it's a boy, they're both going to need therapy.

Okay With the Kiddies

Just a few thoughts today about doing daycare in my home. A few months ago I ran across an article on Yahoo that listed the top ten most depressing jobs, and lo and behold, care-taking jobs like daycare made the list. I'll admit I've had some rough days, even weeks, where I ask myself how much longer I can stand taking care of other people's kids and I think, "Man, it was so much easier when it was just me & Connor during the day. I had it so good for a while!" If anything, it's a further lesson in not being so stupid with debt, that you limit your financial options and have to take on jobs you don't really like.

But on the positive side, I can honestly say that I'm glad that I've had to do daycare. I know it's increased my patience, and I hope I've developed a stronger work ethic, more willing to tackle jobs I don't like but that need to be done. Would I do so much, and so well, if I could just sit at home and have a lot of unstructured time, with no obligations except the ones I have at home? I don't mean to make being a stay-at-home Mom sound really easy, because it's not. Just ask Lora, with her busy schedule ferrying kids everywhere across the Wasatch front. I don't envy their gas expense every month. But there's just no doubt that I do more, and accomplish more, with seven to ten kids to take care of everyday, instead of just my three. And there is a lot of satisfaction in handling a group of kids day after day, knowing that I do a pretty good job, that I provide a much-needed service to parents who need help so that they can provide for their families. Right now, most of my clients are single parents who have to work, and who have brought their kids to me from other daycare centers and homes, looking for more personalized service, and a better environment for their kids. Some of them express such gratitude, that it makes me feel good about what I do, and I know it's worth doing. And can I just say, that it really doesn't hurt that I can pay all my bills, buy food and basic necessities, and have a little spare change for paying down our monstrous debt and for some occasional fun. Last week, we got to come to Utah to be with you guys, and we did it with real money, not with a credit card. That's immensely satisfying, and a huge sense of security.

So, while I don't blame other people for not wanting to do daycare, it's working out for me right now. I probably won't do it for twenty years or anything, but it's probably what I'll be doing for the next three or four years. And I'm pretty okay with that.

Thoughts From A Loner

Okay, it sounds like a maudlin title, but I'm pretty sure this is going somewhere positive. I was catching up on the family blogs today, and it really made me think of Gram, and what lessons she gave us that I'd like to carry into the rest of my life.

As you know, she was absolutely fantastic about coming to all our family gatherings. I look at her in relation to my hidin'-out type of personality, and to me, she was a very brave and courageous person. Her hearing was going out, conversation was probably more difficult because of the hearing issue and sometimes I wondered if the topic was boring or something, and though she was certainly very healthy for her age it had to be more difficult to get around as the years went by. But despite all that, she just kept on coming, and always showed up with a smile on her face and a kind word for everyone. I think of myself in this respect, and know that I've got to do better. Not hide out so much. Be more giving, make life more about other people, than about my own issues at the moment. Gram built a wonderful life one little step at a time. Maybe I can take baby steps and make something great in the end, too.

Just some questions and observations for thought:
-Did Gram ever get lonely and sad, even in the middle of all of us? Didn't matter, she still supported us.
-Did she ever get sick of exercising, and just want to chuck it some days? Man, I hope I even exercise half as much as she did the last thirty years of her life. I want to enjoy my older years, too.
-Did you ever hear her say an unkind word about anyone, or mope about anything? I can hold my tongue, too, but I think in comparison to her, I must be goin' to hell.
-Can you be in the pictures if you don't show up? Kind of self-explanatory. I think all the great-grandchildren have multiple pictures of themselves with Gram.
-Do you have any idea how many elderly women hang out in mu-mu's all day? I'm afraid that might be me not too many years distant. I hope I remember to dress stylishly like Gram, and take some interest in my appearance. I think I might be hanging on the edge of eternal frumpery as it is.

Okay, I'm not done, but I feel like posting this anyway. More thoughts to follow, I guess. So maybe check back over the next few days...

My Gram

Sue has done a lot of great detail to commemorate Gram, so I won't offer a lot of repeats. But, I do want to say a few words here.

My Gram passed away Wednesday. She was over 90 years old, and had led a very full life. She raised three wonderful daughters, who in turn raised nine wonderful children, who have given Gram 15 wonderful great-grandchildren, with four more on the way.

Four generations of Cox women - Gram, my Mom, me, and Dani

Gram with Connor in '05

Gram and her nine grandchildren - 3 Oct 94

Gram picking apples off the apple tree at her old home in Sheridan, Wyoming, about 1990. She made the best apple pies. My special time with Gram was the two years I went to Sheridan College right after high school. We used to swim together every week down at the YMCA, and have dinner together, Granddad, Gram, & me.

Okay, I've got to head down the road, so I've run out of time, but I'll have more remembrances later about the good times at Gram's house in Sheridan, Kearney Lake, the times together in Utah, and all the wonderful things she was to us.

We love you, and will miss you, but know that you are joyfully reunited with Granddad. Thank you for everything.

ABC Tag About Me

This is entirely my sister Sue's fault. See her post, The ABCs of Me You might want to check it out, just because her pics are the best, anyway, especially those of our growing up years.
A - Attached or Single: Attached, and happily at that.
B - Best Friend: My best guy friend is Zen. Who else on the planet would honestly think I'm sexy, and knows to tell me I look pregnant instead of fat, even though I really just look fat? He's a smart man. And my best girl friend is Sue. We've passed through Hades together, and we both enjoy the fart jokes. Need I say more?
C - Cake or Pie: Uummm... I hate greasy icing, usually just scrape it off, but I'm crazy about strawberry shortcake. I also love raspberry rhubarb pie.
D - Day of Choice: Why do I feel like saying Monday? I'm afraid I'm a lazy slug by nature, so what's the deal? I love sleeping in on Saturday mornings, and not having to take care of anyone else's kids but my own. But by Sunday night, I'm all slugged out, and I need a Monday to get back on track and feel useful again. I think I have a split personality on the whole day-of-the-week thing.
E - Essential Item: My MP3 player. Can't exercise without it, seriously. How else would I keep the 80's alive? And I'm kind of diggin' The Bee Gees' Staying Alive track these days, and the Bee Gees in general. Go figure. Hey, who stole my big shiny disco ball?!
F - Favorite Color: Blue tones. Love the aqua & turquoise on me. Baby pink looks good on me, too, which is kind of irritating. That's such a kid color. Fah.
G - Gummi Bears or Worms: Bears, I guess. Can we just segue into the chocolate? And I echo Sue's love of the Gummi Basement (although kids are just stupid), and my favorite thing was Kinder Chocolate. White and milk chocolate together make the best candy on the planet, so there.
H - Hometown: What? I'm an army brat. There is no such thing. How about any Western destination with mountains, an open road, and the gas pedal pushed to the floor with music blaring out of the speakers.
I - Indulgences: Okay, I'll admit it, I like to hide from my kids in my bed, and work my way through a bag of Toffee & Almond Nuggets. Ummm... that might be why I've gained ten pregancy pounds in the last six weeks. I better quit buying chocolate. Awwww man!
Yeah, he's my chocolate buddy, and my gum moocher.

J - January or July: July, because there's no bitter cold. Picnics on the green grass, kids running wild, and sweet, sweet barbeque, baby.
K - Kids: Gilean, the joys of sarcastic teenagers who must mock everything. Dani, the preteen who's got a good head of steam in the whole drama department. Connor, who does the most adorable things all the time, but who gets the most swats on the butt. He's the cutest ornery cuss around.
L - Life is incomplete without: Do I have to say my family? That's just too obvious, and it really is completely true besides. Doesn't need a lot of explanation. So, the frivolous things I can't be without is indoor plumbing, weekend naps, American Idol, sci-fi, craft supplies, and chocolate (weird, huh? it used to be cheese, but preganancy has made me temporarily dislike most milk products.)
M - Marriage Date: August, early 90's. Sorry a little paranoid about the identity theft issues.
Man, were we ever this young?

N - Number of Siblings: Two bros, one sis
I love this picture. Childhood at its best.
Hey, we didn't always fight when we were young. There were some good times, honest.

O - Oranges or Apples: I'm kind of into the citrus zing these days. I don't spit on apple crisp, though.
P - Phobias or Fears: Spiders, I guess. Although, in order to combat this fear, I have adopted a catch-and-release program. Instead of screaming and squishing them, I catch them in a cup or jar, and put them outside. I don't freak out over little spiders any more, although if they are bigger than a quarter, it's time for a nuclear strike. Die, die, die!
3-25-08 Addendum, comment I made on Lori G's blog - You know, I have that shark phobia, too. I could walk around in a dark house endlessly without a whole lot of fear, but a big body of water that you can't see through just gives me the creeps. That's why I only wade in up to my ankles in the beach or ocean. Even deep swimming pools give me the creeps. When I swim laps in a three-feet-deep pool, I still have to turn around occasionally and check for sharks. It's crazy. Why didn't that make my phobias list on my abc post? I think I may have to add an addendum.
Q - Quotes: I'll stick with this one. Kind of sums up my attitude these days - "It's too big a world to be in competition with everyone. The only person who I have to be better than is myself." Colonol Potter-MASH
R - Reason to Smile: I've done nine months of daycare without maiming anyone, and I think I actually have more patience than I used to. Don't ask my own kids to verify this, though.
S - Season: Spring, baby. I think I honestly hate winter, although I do love the view of snowy mountains. I want to smell the fresh spring air, and see all the wonderful things growing up out of the ground, especially tulips. The dirt beckons to my fingers. I also love the cool weather of fall and the gorgeous fall colors, but the downside is that I know winter is not far behind.
T - Tag Six: I think all my blogging friends (Sue, Jenn, Chris, Katy, and Liz)have been tagged by Sue, so I may have to nudge Zen and the kids to at least comment on this tag.
U - Unknown Fact About Me: I dig the sci-fi movies. My new fav tv show is Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. I don't love all sci-fi, but I'm definitely a sucker for all the cool blockbusters, even if they're a little cheesy.
V - Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals: Would somebody get me a steak knife please? Although, I am trying to eat more whole grains and fiber these days, for my own health.
W - Worst Habit: Lazing about reading nothing useful. The thing that has gotten me into a lot of trouble over the years, is my insatiable need for collecting craft supplies for projects I am never going to finish, let alone start. Fortunately, I did an intervention for myself about four or five months ago, and got rid of most of my extraneous craft supplies. And I have resisted the urge to buy more. Not a complete resistance, mind you, but a definite reduction in wasting money. We'll see how long it lasts.
X - X-Rays or Ultrasounds: Hey, my next ultrasound is Monday, March 3rd, so mark your calendars. I hope we will be announcing pink or blue!
Y - Your Favorite Food: Do I have to pick a favorite? Come on, it's all good, although I could say for now that I love Mexican and Italian. Almost nothing beats a great plate of nachos with guacamole, or a really excellent lasagne (no ricotta cheese, please, I think it's just sand in disguise.)
Z - Zodiac: Scorpio. Wikipedia's initial description says this makes me a stubborn drama-queen. Could this be true? I think they have me mixed up with my daughter. Although, I do like the broader list of characteristics which include "brave, deep, intriguing, complex, creative, self-critical, quiet."

Thoughtful Thursday

I'd be the first to admit that my blog has been kind of boring lately, maybe it's writer's block, or crankiness, or just winter blahs. So, with a little nudge from Jenn, let's see if I can post something worth looking at today, or at least something that's amusing for a few seconds. Let's look at some pictures!

My camera, Sue's handiwork. Thanks, sis. Just goes to show what a point-and-shoot can do in the hands of a professional.

I'm feelin' the baby vibe these days, can't you tell?

Here are a rash of Reunion '07 pics. 2008 will be the year of... The Babies?

Katy with an awesome menu display, also built by Chris. So much awesome food, the only shame is we all have only one stomach. Sigh...

Crafty Chick and her assistants can keep their crown this year. No one will be stealing it, or really aspiring to it. Their position is secure!

The rocks were perfect for little boys... and moms who worried about kids breaking their head open. Oh, well, it was fun!

Thanks for dorkin' it up for the camera, you're a real trooper! I'll be sure to bring Perler beads for you to the next reunion!

"I DO NOT LIKE BABIES! TEN FEET OF PERSONAL SPACE AT ALL TIMES!" It's okay, your secret is safe with us.

Anyone who looks this good in a suit needs to be banned from the water activities.

Again, no hot chicks allowed at the beach.

Connor has to live vicariously through other people's dogs. He loves to pet them, play in their food dishes, chase them, suck up to them, pet them, chase them, pet them, chase them, pet them...

Reunion thoughts, anyone? I'd be the first to admit I'm too lazy to organize a Reunion, so maybe this year we could do a daycamp kind of thing?

Snow, Snow, Snow

Hhmmm... Not too much to talk about, but first let me throw in my two cents about this lovely snow. I admire it, purely for its aesthetics. It's beautiful, really. Just not a big fan of continually scraping off the car and running kids everywhere when it's zero degrees outside and the wind is blowing. Is it just me, or am I kind of Scroogy these days? Anyway, here's a pic from our neck of the woods:

The view from my kitchen window. The big pile of snow out there is the handiwork of our neighbors.

Jenn's post reminds me of the other day, when Zen and I were commenting on our neighbors' gracious use of their big-boy snow toys four-wheelers with plow attachments and snow blowers to clear out a lot of the neighborhood the last few days, and he said I could get him a snow blower for his birthday in March. Maybe Mrs. Claus could give him something better next Christmas, something with four wheels...

P.S. Random thought - Would somebody make snow pants for fat chicks, please?

Religious Thoughts for the Day

My sister Sue had some great things to say recently about President Hinckley and the LDS Church lately, and I'm going to post here on my blog one of my comments, in response to her post Exercising My Religious Brain Muscles:

"I think you're everybody's hero this week (at least mine anyway), for saying a lot of stuff that needed to be said, and generally taking the time to discuss your beliefs. I'm kind of at a point where I'm kind of just hanging on, not super-valiant, just going to church every Sunday with my family and doing my calling. But my issues are with myself, not with the Church or any particular gospel principle, and I know when I get my head back on straight, Heavenly Father will be waiting for me with open arms.

I would never presume I know as much as He or the Savior do, let alone what church authorities with so much experience with people and church organization do. I don't have authority issues like some people inherently seem to. How can you say to a being who has organized worlds without end, who has perfect vision and understanding of people and eternity, "I know better than you!"?

To me, it's simple: Does God exist? (Yes) Does he have a particular church or organization he wants us to belong to, with particular ordinances and rituals (Yes, the LDS church) What does he expect of people? (See scriptures and living prophets). That's pretty much it guys. For me, everything else fits in that framework, and I don't have to keep revisiting that decision of which Church is right. I don't really get bogged down in the details. I appreciate and love studying the details, but I don't let them get in the way of my basic testimony in Jesus Christ and his gospel. If you love the Savior and Heavenly Father, you do what they want you to do. How can you show gratitude and please them, by bailing out on the plan they have set forth for us? It's their show, people, not ours. And they totally deserve to run their own show. Period.

And I love what you had to say about Joseph Smith, about how it doesn't matter whether or not he was a perfect guy. So what if he picked his nose, yelled at his kids, or whatever? (Don't know if he's particulary been accused of any of that, but you get the point.) Heavenly Father needed somebody strong enough to reveal true doctrine and stand behind it, someone willing to bend to His will, and do what was right for the Church. Besides, whether or not you believe he was a prophet called of God, what he accomplished in his lifetime is nothing short of amazing. The amount of people he organized, the cities he built, the things he suffered and still kept going, it's just incredible. He was a great man.

Might have to copy all this on my blog, just so I can remember down the road what I thought and felt.

Thanks, Sue"

And there it is. I know this is repetitive for those who read Sue's blog, but I wanted to put it here, for the sake of remembering my own thoughts sometime down the road.