Random Sunday Thoughts

Just a couple notes about this Sunday, and last, just little journal moments.

Last Sunday, during Gospel Doctrine class, I had an experience I hadn't had in a while. The teacher was talking about the First Vision, part of the first few lessons of the year, kicking off our study of the D&C. He's kind of a goofball, outspoken, and says funny outrageous things all the time. But he was bearing his testimony about the First Vision, approaching it from the angle of what the First Vision teaches us. Not to downplay the great the things about Joseph Smith, but the real miracle of the First Vision is what it teaches us about Heavenly Father and the Savior, that they are two separate beings, how much they love us, and that the heavens are open again. Modern revelation is really here, and we can speak to God, and he answers our prayers. There was testimony after testimony from the class members, many telling mission stories about how teaching the First Vision really brought the Spirit to them and to others, perhaps when other things wouldn't. I was in tears, and many in the class were the same. We were all feeling the Spirit, and I hadn't had that kind of group experience in a while.

It's something I want to remember, it taught me to have more faith in our Heavenly Father, that he really will send the Spirit, and touch others' hearts. I think we tend to have fear that other people will think we're so weird, our Mormon doctrine, that we don't speak up enough about our beliefs. But maybe it should be a relief, that you know what, we're not in charge. Our job isn't to convert people, it's just to open our mouths. The Spirit converts people, we don't. I want to do more of that, get over my insecurities, and just rely on the Spirit more, and my own understanding, less. I think I'm such a poor ambassador for the gospel, I'm not perfect, I'm not even half-way good sometimes, yelling at my kids, neglecting my duties, and more I don't even want to go into, that I let it get in the way of sharing the gospel. Maybe it's just getting over your issues, and letting the Spirit do his job, by creating an opportunity by opening your mouth. Food for thought.

And today, the Relief Society lesson was one given about Elder Wirthlin's talk this past General Conference, entitled "Come What May, and Love It", just about being cheerful, and using humor to get through the tough times. I'm going to rat out my teenage son, and tell a funny little anecdote, which I related in class today. Last night, he came home from his friend's house, where presumably it was cleaner than here, and he told us what a disaster our house was, and egged us on to clean it, telling us what a bunch of losers we were (let us oft speak kind words to each other...) to let the house get like that. He didn't get a lot of favorable response, so he got fed up and picked it up himself. He wouldn't quit needling us as he cleaned, and he was kind of getting on my nerves (how many hours do you sit on your can playing computer?), but when he told me I should be the Mom this coming week and keep the house clean, he officially ticked me off. I told him to take his self-righteous attitude away, and if he didn't like our house, he could leave and go live somewhere else! I was super-ticked last night, but it was a stress-reliever to turn it into a funny story today about clueless, tactless teenage boys. You know, using humor to get over the maddening things children say and do.

End Post #7, 2009

My Crack Addiction ...oops, I mean Book Addiction

Yes, I have issues. Not exactly news, but I'm just in a weird, stressed-out mood tonight, so I thought I better sit down and write a few words. Venting, I guess, or maybe just wandering. Nobody should listen to me, but I'm feeling selfish, so naturally I'm pressing on.

I dropped off the planet again in blogger world. Why? My last post explains it I think, but the problem is, I didn't loan-out/throw-away/burn my remaining Twilight books, therefore I read ALL FOUR of them back-to-back, and finished Breaking Dawn last night at 1am. (Not an impressive speed, but remember I do 50 hrs daycare + my four kids 24/7.) Not exactly a productive ten days, eh? I'm just that bad. Book reading for me is like alcohol, cigs, drugs, or good ice cream (cheese?), the only way not to partake is to just get it all out of the house, and not bring it back. But I've read them all now, so that particular drug is done. Now, I find myself tempted by another book series, Dies the Fire, by S.M. Stirling, a speculative fiction about what could happen if the world loses all its technology. Right up my alley. But I've resisted buying a copy, and I've mentally slapped myself many times to keep from sneaking off to the library. So far, so good.

Tuesday, I attended a book club meeting a lady in my ward holds in her home. There was a local author there, Diana Metz, and I found myself wishing that 1)I'd finished the book (having some college flashbacks), and that 2)I'd been able to go without dragging my two little ones with me (Zen is at Man Camp, Dani & Gil were at church activities). They were cute, and decently behaved, all things considered, but definitely a distraction to me and to others. I hope I get a chance to go without my kids when they do another of her books. I had the fleeting thought of writing my own stories, as I have so many times over the years, but I am so often dissatisfied with my own writing, I've never fleshed out a story. But then I thought, "I am a writer!! I write a blog!" For better or for worse, I am an author of sorts. I just don't get paid to do it.

Everybody knows people that make them feel inadequate, though it's not intended. Well, that's how I feel when I take a peek at Stephenie Meyer's website. This will sound pathetic and oddly arrogant, but it's like reading about an alter ego who did better than I did, and I feel both hopeful and like a loser at the same time.

Well, that was just cheerful.

In my defense, I was really productive today. No book reading for me. I did laundry and my bills. Stupid blankety bills!!

I hear the Twilight dvd is coming out Saturday, March 21st. So, who is going to host a chickfest video party while we dine on teenage romance? Remember, I don't do daycare anymore, as of 6pm Friday, Jan. 16th, so I'll be footlose and fancy free. Any volunteers?

End Post 6, 2009

Break-Ups Suck

Well, it's official. I gave my two-weeks notice to all my daycare clients Monday. I haven't been that stressed-out in a long time. I'd been debating for weeks whether or not to close my daycare immediately, or to wait until the school-year was up. Why close daycare? Well, the Reader's Digest version is that it's dragging on the family, and that it's become apparent to me, that daycare for other people is a huge liability that I'm just not willing to risk anymore.

I was so worried about my clients. Would they put up a big fuss, and lay a huge guilt-trip on me? Would they be able to find a replacement? Daycare is so hard to find here. That's what people tell me all the time, and I turn people down nearly everyday for my daycare. I hate potential confrontation and being the bearer of bad news (my children would not believe this, for some reason I can totally give them heck when they need it, but I can't do that with other people), especially when I know I have to give other people stress. But, now that it's done, I'm beginning to feel a little more relief everyday.

I was so wigged-out on Monday, that I started reading Twilight again. See, the bad thing about me and novels, is that I can't just ration them out a little at a time. I just sit and consume them, a virtual pig-out session. That's why I swore off reading several months ago. I'm so useless when I'm reading books. Laundry, huh? Cooking, huh? Everyone has to fend for themselves. So, I might have to loan out my Twilight series for a while...

Speaking of which - loved the movie! Thought the multi-national "It's a Small World" nature of the whole thing was a little jarring (can I say that without sounding like a racist hick?), just because that's not how it was in the novel, and I don't know if it's true to the region the novel is set in. But overall, a good flick. I've seen it twice now, but refuse to spend anymore on it, at least until the dvd comes out. How long will we have to wait for that, I wonder? I think I'm getting old enough now, that to find someone that young (actor who plays Edward) attractive kind of makes me feel like a pervert. Oh, well. Thirty to thirty-five is the best, I think. Men get big and burly by that age, and I find that more attractive than the scrawny-anorexic-rock-band-wannabe thing that so many late-teen early-twenty-somethings have going on these days. But that guy is good-looking, no doubt, and the chemistry was really good between he and the actress who played Bella.

End Post 5, 2009

Why Are Saturdays So Useless?

I swear, almost every Saturday seems like a huge waste of time. Why can't I get stuff done on Saturdays? I plan out a big day of activities, and then by nightfall only a handful have gotten done, the house is trashed, and it feels like another weekend slipped through my fingers. But I could move Mountains on Sundays, when my internal working bug shows back up, and yet I'm supposed to rest from all my labors. I'm a slug on Saturday, but a work horse on Sunday. Aarghh! It's so frustrating!

End Post 4, 2009

Somebody get me to the Betty Ford Clinic...

I seriously need to detox from the Holidays. I haven't eaten so much sugar in a really long time! Blechhh!! Just the thought of eating sweets makes me ill.

I have all this stocking candy left over, and I think I'm going to have to donate it to the dentist (? - I mean donate it to the kids, who will have to go see the dentist...)

My favorites were -

• M&M's Premiums chocolate candies Rasberry Almond flavor
  
• Hershey's Kisses - peppermint white chocolate flavor (maybe I could have just one more...)
  
• pretty much any ice cream, although I did like the eggnog, pumpkin pie, and peppermint candy flavors
  
• candied nuts of any variety
  
• homemade cookies - need I say more?
  
• pumpkin bread, pumpkin pie, did I say I like pumpkin?
  
• pies, pies, pies... apple/rasberry, strawberry rhubarb, peach, etc.
  

My size 16 pants still fit, I don't know how, but needless to say, I'm not weighing myself until AFTER detox, maybe in three weeks...

End Post 3, 2009

Resolutions Part Dos...

Here are the spiritual resolutions for 2009 -

1. Read scriptures daily - via Palm Pilot, it's more likely to get done that way. Reading goes for the family, too. Our stake presidency has asked everyone to read the Book of Mormon this year.
2. FAMILY HOME EVENING - we are such a bunch of slackers, and the kids need this desparately. Like, could I get them to focus on reverence in sacrament meeting, so they will quit giggling at the baby and doing goofy things to make her laugh? And would you quit poking each other? Nobody touch anybody else in sacrament meeting! You heathens!
3. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY - I'm pretty good at keeping a prayer in my heart all the time. I talk to Heavenly Father constantly, as if he were standing right next to me. But I find kneeling down and verbalizing awkward. Why is that? Anyway, we could do with a whole lot more meaningful family prayer, too. Not just "rub-a-dub-dub-thanks-for-the-grub" or "hope-we-don't-die-in-a-house-fire-in-our-sleep" kind of prayers, although that don't-die prayer still sounds pretty useful.

That's a meaty-enough list, even though it's short. But here's another for yesterday's list:

9. Send more cards!!! - Here I am getting my craftroom ready, so I can actually use it, and I need to get back to making and giving cards. Wouldn't you love to get a card from me?

End Post 2, 2009

Yahoo for 2009!!!

Let's start off the New Year on a positive note. I'm a lot more cooled off now than I was yesterday. Sometimes I'm like the gossamer fairy in a china shop, and the other people in the house (mostly male) are like the bulls. They don't mean harm, but they are impossibly stupid. Did I say I was trying to be positive? Deep breath...

So, let's here it for this year's resolutions:
1. Blog more often!!! Is it possible to blog everyday? Wouldn't that be an awesome accomplishment? But I don't know about that. I feel like committing to that would be jinxing it somehow... Maybe I could just have 365 different posts in 2009. See, I could do that. Onto the next one. P.S. Along with that goes the resolution to comment on the family blogs more often. I bet you all could get behind that one!!
2. Lose 20 pounds before the summer reunion. Hey, don't laugh. That could actually happen! I'm squeezing myself into a size 16 these days, barely, but I bet I could get into a size 14 comfortably by summer. What do you think?
3. Clean out my craft room This means selling off all the old stuff and getting organized for the new stuff, so I can have some serious playtime in there. "Serious playtime" - is that an oxymoron? Now I'm babbling. That's what I get for blogging at 12:10 am on Jan 1st, 2009.
4. Get my eBay store and Becky's Craftroom business in full swing This is doable and realistic, too. In fact, it better be in action by the end of January, or I'm in hot water!
5. Close my daycare This is also really going to happen. In fact, it will be a miracle, or an act of stupidity, if I hold out until school is done at the end of May.
6. Have an awesome summer! No kids to take care of but my own. It sounds heavenly! Let's go to Lagoon, let's go the park, let's build a great back yard and play hard, let's go visit people, let's get out of the house this year!!!
7. Hang up my pictures It's weird, but we've been in the house two years, and haven't hung up any pictures or nick-nacks. What's that all about?
8. Print more pictures!!! I keep telling myself, everytime I take great pics, that I'm going to have them printed at the lab, but then I never do. So, lets see those pics!

I bet I could think of more, but that will do for now. Maybe I will number each post at the end - here goes:
End Post 1, 2009