Not a perky blog post title, I know, but I feel a little melancholy today. I took Emma in for her two-week checkup (although really almost three weeks now), and she is just not gaining weight. She was 6lb. 9.9 oz. at birth, 6lb 1oz. when she left the hospital, 5lb. 15oz. at one week, and only 6lb. 2oz today. Which means that although she really enjoys nursing, and so do I, the quality of my breastmilk is poor and she isn't thriving. So, here comes the formula. I kind of want to cry, not wail in despair, mind you, but I feel sad that nursing just doesn't work for me. But at kid number four, it doesn't come as much of a surprise. After all, nursing didn't work very well for the first three, why should it make much of a difference this time? But I was hopeful, due in no small part to the fact that Emma's a champion nurser, had it down pat from the first time just hours after she was born, and she loves to nurse. I could tell that she wasn't getting enough, though, because at night, she just nurses and nurses for hours, practically nonstop, like she just can't get enough. I've been keeping a little log, so I could track her nursing and sleeping patterns, and I decided, based on this super-hungry time and the fact that I knew she wasn't gaining weight, to go ahead and give her formula at this time of night.
So, today's weight check just reaffirmed what I already knew: it's time to go to formula. I'll probably still nurse her three or four times a day, but it's mainly going to be formula now, instead of breastmilk. Why "The Beginning of the End"? Because the reality is that she will probably give up the nursing sooner rather than later. It's just a guess, but it's very likely what will happen, because as she learns that formula is more satisfying, she'll grow impatient with the nursing. I know, I know, I should just be happy doing what's best for her, instead of what I want, but I'm just taking a minute here and letting go of the nursing commitment. I'll miss our special time, when we could just sit and be together, without interruption, as I nurse her sitting quietly and stroking her head. Sigh... And I know that bottle-feeding her is going to change that, because we'll sit together less, and I'll wind up giving her to other people more, as I extract myself from my "nursing couch" and try to get more stuff done for other people (Zen & my kids, daycare kids, endless chores like dinner, bills, & laundry). When I got back from my appointment this afternoon and told Zen that I've got to feed Emma more formula, he said, "Well, it's about time!" He's not very much amused by the time-consuming nature of nursing. He wants his wife back.
P.S. Sitting in the hospital, I was thinking, "I'm going to blog almost every day, and put up lots of cute pictures of Emma!" Boy, did that go out the window. Maybe the switch to formula will bring a positive benefit in that respect: more time for blogging. Anyway, although today is mostly wordy, here are a few pics of Emma:
28 June 2008 She's so small! And way too skinny. Here comes the formula!
Emma at two weeks old on July 1st. My sweet pea. Emma's nicknames: "Bunny Bunny" "Snuggle Bunny" "Baby Bunny" or just "Bunny"
Monday, July 7, 2008
The Beginning of the End
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5 comments:
She looks so darling in her "doggie suit". What a sweet girl.....
Gee, I wonder who has such great taste in baby clothes! Thanks for the cute doggie suit! It looks great on her.
See how it works to exclusively nurse her during the day and just feed her formula at night. Or feed her one bottle during the day right before you want her to take a big nap. If she's still nursing 6 or so times a day, I'll bet she continues to like it. I know the feeling of not wanting to give up your special, private time together, when you can kick everybody else out and claim the priviledge of just staring googly-eyed at your baby.
Don't give up just yet!
I know how you feel. We had no problems nursing, like you said from hours after birth she just new what to do. And I really enjoyed it, not so much the leaking and the engorgment but just the time that she and I had together. We had the same problem though, she just wasn't getting enough, she lost way too much weight when she was two weeks old and we decided to supplement with formula. As I nursed less and less I found the convenience of a bottle so nice but I still really miss that time. And whats worse to me is that now she is starting to hold her own bottle so I dont even get to do that. I still try to just hold her and feed her atleast once a day so I can oogle at my beautiful baby. I can't wait to see Emma, we will definently have to do pictures with all the new babies.
Yeah, I'd nurse her exclusively during the day, or some system of mostly-nursing if I thought it was good for her, but ironically, my breastmilk isn't going to keep her healthy. It's not that I don't have enough breastmilk, really, but more of a case of poor quality breastmilk. Traditional breastfeeding philosophy seems to imply that anyone can breastfeed their baby, which is just ludicrous considering the fact that the human body doesn't function like it's supposed to all the time. Think of all the various diseases the human body has, such as diabetes and genetic heart defects, and it's no wonder that some women just can't produce adequate breastmilk, or even any breastmilk at all. And I don't think it's because they're not trying hard enough, or using just the right technique. So, I'm just coming to grips with this reality, and trying to let go of the ideal concept of breastfeeding.
And you know, at least I live at a time when a lot of research has been put into developing formula that is really good for babies. I mean, women used to have to use straight cow's milk and corn syrup, for crying out loud. I should be grateful for small miracles, and be relieved that I can substitute my lack of good breastmilk with something that is good for her.
I'll still nurse her some, until she gives it up, just because I enjoy that time together, and I'm still hoping she's getting some kind of immunological benefit from my breastmilk. But, now I'll try to focus on her health, and try to enjoy our time together without the nursing. I appreciate the support, though, Susie-Q. I think giving up the focus on nursing is way more of an issue for me, than for Emma. After all, in the end, she just wants to be fed, and be in a safe, loving place. I guess the only difference is that the snuggling and closeness will have to be done without nursing, and that's probably okay, too.
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