Holiday Cheer

WARNING: not a pick-me-up blog post

Boy, we are going to get an "F" on our Christmas Spirit report card. I set up a tree, put out the nativity scenes, bought all the holiday loot, and seriously, that's about it. It's driving Dani crazy. I really feel sorry for her. I am in a perpetual fog, and I just can't seem to get motivated to do anything. Oh, and I ordered a lifetime supply of various versions of "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" online. Some of the themes were Redneck, Nurse, Grandma, Mom, Dog, Texas, and a few others I don't remember off the top of my head. If they come by UPS on time, I'll bring them to the party Saturday. Should be fun. We always got a kick out of those on Christmas Eve. Doesn't have much to do with the Savior, I know, but it's a kind of Christmas tradition. Creates fun memories, that sort of thing.

After Sue's holiday post, I spent a few moments strolling down memory lane, remembering how my mother made Christmas special. Some of my favorite things were the Nativity she set out, in a special place. I always loved it. Decorating the tree was special, and it was always a real pine tree, so the house smelled wonderful. I miss that. We eventually went with the fake Christmas tree here at our house, but we sacrificed the flavor of Christmas, I think. Many of the Christmas tree ornaments were special wooden German ornaments my parents bought when we lived in Germany while my dad was in the army. I especially loved the German wooden music box my mother has, and the wooden Christmas pyramid, which has various horizontal "windmills" (don't know how else to describe it) that when you light candles, are turned around by the heated air, and make bells ding. I went shopping online for these Kathe Wohlfahrt things a few days ago, and they were about $300 to $500 a piece, and I thought, "Oh, well, maybe when I win the lottery." Of course, I'll have that much extra dough for decorations after the kids grow up, and they won't be at home any more to appreciate them. Sigh... I'd love to take a Christmas vacation to Rothenburg, Germany some year. It's very festive there, in a traditional sort of way. And of course, my mother baked. Maybe I could do some more of that. I thought about it for a few minutes this morning, but then the urge left me. Maybe it will come back later today. If I can just get my visiting teaching done this week, I'll feel a bit more of a sense of accomplishment, like I'm not totally a loser.

Man, I am just a little ray of sunshine, aren't I? Good grief. Sorry about that. Had another episode last night with Connor. He was doing pretty good Friday and Saturday, then last night, he started throwing up again, over and over. My theory is that it's not a reoccurence of his week-long bout with a stomach virus, but a new 24-hour stomach flu he picked up in nursery yesterday at church. I'm beginning to consider keeping him away from nursery for a few months, although that's probably pointless, considering the fact that I have several little kids in my home every day, who bring their own cooties from home. Man, I hope everyone will stay healthy so we can come Saturday. Otherwise, we'll have to stay here. I just started bawling last night, as I waited for Zen to find someone to give Connor a blessing. I didn't have the faith of a grain of mustard seed last night, more like faith of a small microscopic molecule, if that. I was feeling all sad that Connor's sick all the time, despite blessings, and I just felt low and sorry for myself, like my lack of faith and goodness were the source of the problem. Not a noble sentiment, I know, but I just couldn't seem to stop the bawling. Poor Zen, I know he wanted to help me feel better, but I couldn't let my crummy feelings out of my mouth, they seemed so selfish.

Well, here's a spiritual thought: we were given the assignment in Relief Society yesterday to write our testimony in the front of a copy of the Book of Mormon, which they passed out to us. I wrote mine, then threw a reference to my favorite scripture, which is 3 Nephi 17, the whole chapter. I'd give just about anything to have been there, you know? I'd give up Christmas loot for the rest of my life if I could just be a bump on the log at that event, and the principal events of the Savior's mortal life. Totally worth it, you know?