Friends and Insecurities

Note: Seriously, people, no commenting from anyone is giving me a complex.

Just a little random babbling tonight, after thinking about talking to people at church.

It's funny how you can totally mesh with some people, talking is super-easy, and with others, it seems like you are always off-sync. It kind of makes me sad, because there are a few people at church that I'd really like to get to know better, but it's like there's this personality barrier that prevents any real friendship from developing. I say stuff to them, and I get this blank look a lot, followed by a generic response. It's kind of awkward for me, especially when I'm trying to be light and funny, or something. I'm probably just being a dork.

Zen has been trying to get me for years to invite people over for dinner, and I just never do anything about it. Maybe I should. It's kind of hard right now, because his work schedule is so nuts, I don't have a lot of advance notice of when he's going to be home for dinner. But maybe I can make a more determined effort.

I had this kind of thought-provoking exchange with my sister, Sue, last night, which I've mentioned on my health blog, and while feeling mildly jealous of her having fun with friends out in Minnesota, it kind of reminded me how I've often envied her ease with people. It's not something I would EVER change about her, and frankly, she's one of the comforts in my life, due in large part to her personality and our background together, but watching her with her friendships reminds me that I don't have any close friends. Part of it's because I'm lousy at keeping up with people. I need to try harder. Friends are one of the great joys of life. And I just want to connect with people more.

Okay, babbling done. I spent most of the night tweaking the layout for my Becky's Kitchen Creations blog. I'll start adding recipes this week, and I'll keep you posted.