Let's Freeze Time for 24 Hours for a Big Nap and Uninterrupted Crafting

Little odds and bits today. Woke up, exercised, nagged kids to pick up the upstairs and vacuum while I showered, so I could be ready in case anyone showed up for my beading at 9am. Kudos to the kids for helping their Mom! No one showed, of course. I wound up bawling, no kidding. Gil offered to tp everyone on my sign-up sheet, but I told him that while I appreciated his support, that's not what I was bawling about. It was somewhat comforting to know someone will avenge wrongs for you, even if they are misguided. Yep, I'm the Mafia Mom now. There's a Godfather joke in there somewhere, I'm sure. At least there's one child who will do things for me without pouting and temper tantrums, notices I'm sad, and wants to fix it. Anyway, you'd think I was bawling about the beading thing, but no, all that did was make me feel useless for making stupid choices. It was a straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back sort of thing, I've got a lot more pressing things on my mind, like my credit card addiction, and how I'm so stupid, I keep getting distracted by stuff everyday when I need to be getting the sales pumping in my eBay store so I can pay off my not-so-wise purchases over the past four months. It was a I'm-such-an-idiot pity fest.

I decided I better get over myself and be useful, so I cleaned the kitchen, washing the big pots and pans, sweeping and mopping the floor, wiping the walls, and cleaning the nasty dish drainer with some Lime-Away. What is up with that? Only clean dishes get put in there, but over time, this weird mineral-deposit scum just builds up. It's just weird!

It felt good to have a clean house on a Saturday, as opposed to the usual trash-the-house action that happens around here on the weekend. Foofie sat on my back in the baby backpack and played with my hair while I cleaned, screeching at me every now and then. She's getting kind of sassy. The I'm-so-cute-'cause-I'm-a-baby thing is taking a hike, being replaced by its successor I-do-what-I-want-because-I'm-a-sassy- toddler thing. Connor ran around and did his own thing, like he usually does.

After putting Baby Deet down for a nap, I went downstairs to work on a beading project. Dani spent a lot of time mooching on my laptop in my craftroom. 'Member that epiphany I had yesterday morning that I was going to do something special for? I may still get to that, but the gist of it was that it hit me for the first time that my kids really are growing up, and that their childhood will be over all too soon, that they will outgrow me and be gone. I hear about Moms crying when their children go to kindergarden, but at that stage with my kids, I was so relieved they'd be out of my hair and not bored anymore, that it was partly a fun-nostalgia thing, taking pictures of their first day of school etc., and partly a relieved don't-let-the-door-hit-you-in-the-butt kind of feeling, too. But, I finally had my crying-Mom-the-kids-are-growing-up moment for the first time yesterday after I dropped Gil off for a field trip. I think Dani's overnight field trip, and how nonchalant and non-chatty she was about the whole thing was just kind of disturbing, too, and it all caught up with me. The two of them are not my babies anymore. And I was going to do this wonderfully syrupy photo slideshow of my four babies to the tune of "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins, and put it on youtube for my blog, but I lost that lovin' feelin' today. Yet, even though I'm Queen I've-Had-Enough-of-People today, I still think it's a good idea. I may finish it for Mother's Day or something.

Okay, back on topic. Dani and I were in the same room together. It was just not a good idea. Because Queen-I-Want-What-I-Want started up on buying new clothes, even though she has drawers full of clothes that fit, but that don't "look good" on her, I just about wanted to kill her. She's in that lovely stage where she can buy something, and a month later refuses to wear it anymore. And I came to a conclusion today. She can just start buying her own clothes with her own money. That's it. Maybe then, she'll quit treating them like tissue, ready to throw them out and get new ones on the slightest whim. After a little more of the "You drive me crazy!" "No, you drive ME crazy!!" conversation, she went and did something else, and I was alone in my craftroom again, ready for her to move out and get her own apartment, like at least three states away. It was kind of like that all day.

Later, I was in Home Depot, trying to track down a steel bench block for a jewelry-making concept I was having, and I just meandered, drooling over cool stuff in the tool section. Something about the spring rain today sparked the urge for all kinds of projects. It was amazing being outside, suddenly the grass everywhere is green, and it smelled wonderful.

I was getting a package ready to mail for Sue around 6:30pm, when Dani ran downstairs to tell me that Emma had dumped out a bottle of Mr. Clean all over the kitchen floor. Suddenly the cabinets under the sink are fascinating to Deet-Loo, and she was hell-or-high-water determined to get into everything under there. I don't know how she managed to get the lid open, but I'm just grateful she hadn't made it to the bleach yet:

"See how I did it? I got mad skills."

"Muh-ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!"

Needless to say, after I cleaned up Emma and the mess in the kitchen, I repaired the child-safety locks on those cabinets pronto, with Foofie crawling all over me, screaming at me to let her into the cabinets, or at least give her the screwdriver. I'd been meaning to repair the doors for a while, but it just kept getting shoved on down the to-do list. It got shoved right to the top, lightening-fast tonight.

Anyway, by 7:30 pm, I just quit with the whole "let's-do-Mother's-Day-projects-with-everyone" thing. I'm going to do some stuff for me. I've got enough to do without wasting time and energy trying to figure out what everyone else wants. I just decided I need to quit chasing people down to do craft projects with me. I'll just do my selling on eBay, send cards to family, and have fun playing beading. Just a little alone me-time. That will be my thing, and that's it. Not that I'm bitter or anything. Yes, I'm laughing as I write this. It just sounds so whiney. Sue, I know you'll get it.

Mom sent this email the other day, just some pics of funny cards, by a company called MILK. It's just simple, but funny, pics on a background of quotes, a graphic style of design. I liked the design so much, that I think I'll make a little book of quotes for myself, with my own pics to illustrate. Sounds like fun! I started looking up quotes about Mothers/Mother's Day, and I found a lot of good ones. But this one made me laugh: "Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own." ~Aristotle    Kind of naughty and a little bit sad.

Going to bed now. There was something else I was going to write about tonight, maybe about Emma, but now I forgot. I guess I'll put it in tomorrow.

P.S. About passing cards out in Relief Society - After Sue's comment, I think I need to post a qualifier. I guess it sounds like I was suggesting I was going to make money selling cards in R.S. That wasn't my intention AT ALL. Sure, I'd pass around the old ones for free, just to get rid of them and start fresh. But I just thought I could get a long-term thing going where I could make cards for everyone throughout the year, and just get enough dough for the supplies, so I could keep it going. If I can't get anyone to come to card class, maybe I can just do it FOR them. Kind of a service-project thing. In effect, if everyone donates the supplies, I donate my time and skills for the enjoyment of all concerned. Also, I think I'll put together a sample book of pictures of cards I've done, instead of hoarding this big stash of sample cards that never get used, and just get ratty over time. The temptation to keep them like little treasures is too great. This way, maybe I can let them go, and let them do what they were meant to do: perk up someone's day just a little.

P.P.S. Sue, thanks for more quotes "Lane, I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy." It's like Napoleon Dynamite. It gets funnier, and more quotable each time you see it.

End Post #83, 2009